If the red dot ever comes back at 3 AM: don’t let your cat catch it, don’t turn on the light, and don’t follow it into the kitchen. The laser is in the drawer. The batteries are in the kitchen. The dot is on the wall anyway.
There are 7 rules. Six will get you to morning. The seventh is about how the game ends.
This is an analog horror survival guide for one night with a laser dot that nobody is holding: a cat staring at the wall at 3 AM, a dot that always stops one paw ahead, a laser pointer with no batteries that clicks on anyway, the wiggle before the pounce, a cat that sniffs your fingers after every game, why cats chase lasers at all, and one thing that was not in the file.
File 051. Issued by the Department of Domestic Anomalies. Please follow all instructions.
CHAPTERS
0:00 If the red dot ever comes back
0:19 Rule 1: Don’t let your cat catch it
0:52 Rule 2: Don’t turn on the light
1:23 Rule 3: Don’t follow it
1:59 Rule 4: Don’t pick up the laser
2:31 Rule 5: Don’t move when it’s on you
3:03 Rule 6: Don’t hide your hands
3:30 Rule 7: Finish the game
4:18 Ten minutes later
ABOUT THESE FILES
Bradikinin publishes survival protocols for situations nobody trained you for: dark, calm, and slightly unprofessional. Every video is one file, one situation, and a short list of rules. Subscribe to @BradikininVideos. You were going to stay up anyway.
This is a work of fiction. The Department does not exist. The dot does. Some things in this file are real: a laser dot swept across something far enough away really can move faster than light, cats see red poorly and chase the movement rather than the color, cats pounce on whatever moves, nobody is certain what the wiggle before the pounce is for, and vets and cat behaviorists really do recommend ending every laser game with a toy or a treat the cat can catch. Please leave the batteries where they are.
Official archive and the counterfeit test: https://bradikinin.com/?from=v051
#analoghorror #cats #laserpointer
